


beautiful bleak days

by ahwait_no_yes



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: 'birthday comatose', Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Chapter 5 Spoilers, Comatose, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, LIKE EVER, Light Angst, M/M, Major Spoilers, My First Fanfic, POV First Person, POV Saihara Shuichi, Spoilers, The Author Regrets Everything, Time Skips, also mikan is only there like once, and chapter 6 spoilers, basically just whole game, bc I love hugs, cause i did no research when i made this.., how does one tag, i liked writing that scene hehe, in a nutshell, its way easier writing like that-, nearly forgot to add these spoilers tags oops, saihara needs a hug, seriously this fic is just hurt/comfort, so do i give me a hug, uhhh also, virtual reality au, what a great present, why did i write those tags right after eachother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 15:23:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18803044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahwait_no_yes/pseuds/ahwait_no_yes
Summary: 'Ever since we escaped from Danganronpa, we discovered that the 53rd killing game was nothing more than a virtual reality and that everyone was truly alive and well.Except for one, whose lack of presence was louder than his voice could ever have been and trust me, that was always on full volume.'





	beautiful bleak days

**Author's Note:**

> Helloo! So, this is my first fic. ever. I haven't written anything for ages so if this isn't good I apologise, I'm really rusty! And I don't know how to write romance because I've never written anything for a couple or even for a fandom so I fear it'll be very cringey if I try.
> 
> Also, I have a few silly alternates to a scene that I'll upload on to my tumblr. I honestly had no idea what to write for it.

“ ** _brumous_**  (adj.)

of grey skies and winter days; filled with heavy clouds or fog”

 

Most people would find such cloudy days like these to be dull and depressing, sometimes even bothersome.

But this strangely makes me like them more.

I shouldn’t have such terrible thoughts, but if I’m completely honest, it can be a bit of a relief to see everyone in lower spirits. Although of course I wish well for everyone, it makes me feel as though I’m not alone if we’re all able to express how tired we are.

The weather was actually similar to this on the day a certain somebody waltzed right back into my life as though he’d never left.

I’m not likely to forget it, and neither will he.

* * *

 

-  A year before -

 

“Hellooo? Saihara-kun? Hey, Saihara!” I jumped in my seat as Akamatsu-san’s voice brought me back from my thoughts. “Geez, it’s as though you were in a different planet. Are you alright?” Her tone shifted from cheery to mildly concerned. I figured there’d be no use in lying, but..

“I was thinking about someone,” I admit, which is mostly true anyway.

“Who?” Is what she asked, but she knew the answer, so what was her goal in getting me to say their name?

My question was answered when I realised, I couldn’t reply. Their name was the one I’d think about daily and nightly, always plaguing my mind but when it came to _saying_ it _aloud_... I just couldn’t. It’d always be stuck as a lump in my throat.

She broke the moment of silence between us with a sad sigh. “You still can’t, even though it’s been a year. You’re running away from it, Saihara-kun, and you can’t do that forever because it’ll catch up with you when you least expect it and you’ll feel even worse. I don’t want you to end up in that situation so please, we can take as long as you need, but confront it now,” The usual optimism in her voice was entirely stripped off, complete worry taking its place. She’s right, though. Ever since we escaped from Danganronpa, we discovered that the 53rd killing game was nothing more than a virtual reality and that everyone was truly alive and well.

Except for one, whose lack of presence was louder than his voice could ever have been and trust me, that was always on full volume.

That same person gave up everything, including his life, to save us.

That same person who died thinking nobody cared about him, that he’d always be alone.

That same person’s name...

...

“Ouma Kokichi.”

.......

...

“Thank you, Saihara-kun.”

 

* * *

 

\- Several months later –

 

“Bro! You’re not thinking of him again, are you?” Momota-kun frowned, hesitant. “I don’t really want to be saying this, but I think maybe you should just forget about him... He’s not coming back.” I could almost physically feel the atmosphere tensing up around me.

“I hate to agree with the idiot, but he _is_ right. If he’s not woken up yet, I doubt he ever will. Let it go. Let him go.” Harukawa-san appeared from seemingly nowhere, both arms crossed.

I didn’t really know what to do. If he really wouldn’t wake up, then that’d mean all this time spent wondering about him would be for nothing but then I could move on. Deep down, a part of me was screaming to leave him for his reason, but on the other hand, if he was to wake up one day, I could rekindle friendship not only between us, but with all the others who, to put it nicely, weren’t too keen on him. I could get them to see that he wasn’t as bad as he led them to believe he was.

If only I realised that earlier.

But that wasn’t the time for such thoughts, Harukawa-san and Momota-kun were staring at me expectantly, waiting for my reply.

So, I voiced the compromise I came to.

“I want to revisit the hospital one last time and ask how his condition is. If it doesn’t seem to be improving, I’ll... let him go as you said, Harukawa-san. However, if it’s better news, I refuse to. At the end of the day, he was a participant of the killing game too and suffered as much as we did. More, even. At least we had eachother to help us get through. He didn’t have anybody, but that doesn’t mean he won’t ever. I want him to realise that. I want Ouma-kun to realise that I’m here for him at least and that I always have been, not the opposite like he currently thinks.”

And the same familiar silence shared between me and Akamatsu-san several months ago sat comfortably between us. To my surprise, Harukawa-san was the one to break it this time, plainly stating, “Alright, we’ll go.”

And go is what we did. I wasted no time grabbing my belongings and then making a dash for the car. Being able to get through to both Harukawa and Momota, who is admittedly a bit stubborn, made me want to punch the air in victory, though in fear of looking embarrassing I kept it to a just a smile that still probably made me look stupid, but I couldn’t care at that moment. There could be a chance that Ouma would pull through and if it turned out to be true, I’d take it.

That thought alone was enough to fill me with hope.

 

We couldn’t find him.

“Excuse me, but would you happen to know where I can find a patient under the name Ouma Kokichi? He’s been suffering through a coma, and I would like to know if his condition has changed at all.” I explained to the panic-stricken nurse.

“F-forgive me, did you s-say O-O-Ouma K-Kokichi?” her words tumbled out so quickly that I could barely understand what she was saying.

“Yes, that’s him! Do you know if he’s okay, or where he is if he’s been transferred?” I unintentionally let desperation creep into my voice.

“O-oh! F-forgive me for not notifying you sooner!” She suddenly shrieked, taking a step back from me. What is it that I’ve not been told? Did anything happen to him?

“On with it already,” Harukawa-san’s piercing eyes stabbed right through the poor nurse, though I was slightly thankful because at least she’d get to the point then.

“I’m so sorry, p-please forgive me! H-he’s already been d-discharged!”

What?

At this point, tears were forming on her eyelids, but I was too focused on the word ‘discharged’.

 “When? Why hadn’t I been informed? What if he has nobody to take care of him?” My thoughts spill in a rush. It was still a thousand times better than so many other possibilities, but I couldn’t help my uncontrolled breathing at the thought of him out on the streets, relying on money that would occasionally be donated to him from the odd person in a good mood.

“Shuuichi! Relax, bro! He’s okay, he’s alive and breathing! Don’t worry, just take deep breaths and we’ll properly sort this out. He’s fine, you’re fine, we’re fine.” Momota-kun grasped my shoulders and (uncharacteristically gently) shook them after noticing my shallow, rapid breaths.

It’s like Momota said. He’s alive. I’m alive. We’re alive.

He’s not dead, I’m not dead. None of us died.

He’s currently breathing. Ouma-kun is breathing. Ouma Kokichi didn’t die in a hydraulic press, because he’s breathing as I speak.

Right, I could do this.

It took me a while, but I just had to sort everything, right? I’d be able to find him and fulfil the promise I made to myself. I would help him.

...

I let them see an uncertain but hopeful smile.

 

* * *

 

\- And then more months -

 

Maybe it was the weather, but I felt as though not seeing him again could be reasonable enough. How could I have only gathered that he works somewhere in the country? Was I that bad of a detective? Or had he _intentionally_ left no trace of himself? Either way, maybe I should’ve just given up on him. At least he was alive. If he really didn’t want me to find him, then I should’ve respected that and left him be.

...

That doesn’t feel right though.

 

* * *

 

\- And weeks go on... -

 

Dark clouds again. Huh, they reflected my mood perfectly well.

It gets me thinking about how I should’ve just listened to Harukawa-san and Momota-kun. Maybe I couldn’t do this. Maybe I should have just completely forgotten about him in the first place. This pestered my mind non-stop just as he would to our classmates, and at this point I was questioning why I cared so much, why I hadn’t just dropped it from the start and that it might be okay if I could just leave it.

...

That wasn’t the right way to think.

 

* * *

 

\- Days that felt like weeks pass. –

 

Something told me I was missing out a crucial detail. That I was trying to solve a puzzle piece without considering what the pieces themselves look like.

‘Why am I even doing this?’ I wondered yet again, which is a bit stupid of me to forget, isn’t it? It just makes the entire point of this meaningless.

Bleak days like these really get you thinking though, don’t they? A load of nonsense most of the time. Like sometimes I’d get sudden outbursts of energy and feel as though I could achieve my goal, till usually it’d come crashing down when I was proven wrong.

..

Except that it was right..

 

* * *

 

\- September 7th –

 

God, I was exhausted. Akamatsu-san and Momota-kun went through so much trouble to get me to forget about Ouma-kun for at least a second and while I more than appreciate their efforts of throwing me a party, I really wasn’t willing to socialise with people I hadn’t met before and most likely never will see them again. I’d choose reading a novel any day.

Which is why I slipped out to the local park at 11 in the night, in the rain.

I could easily use my phone as a flashlight for reading and surely the party would be over soon as it _was_ getting late. I would make sure not to fall asleep too, even though I was so fatigued, and the light rain sounded so calming. Surely I could just... rest for 5 minutes...

Till a sharp snap clearly said otherwise.

Although I’m glad they stopped me from falling asleep, that was still a bit rude to just literally snap at me, till I hear their voice.

His voice.

“Hey! Dasaihara-chan!” Ouma beamed widel- wait, Ouma? “Don’t I sound exactly like Iruma-chan? Haha! Anyway, did’ja miss me? You can’t deny that you totally missed me!”

...

Oh my god.

What did he just say I wasn’t listening I was trying to acknowledge the situation here ohmygod IWASN’TPREPAREDFORTHISWHAT

“Nishishi, but that’s a lie. Of course you wouldn’t have. Nobody does. But I don’t care! Or is that a lie too? Or am I lying about ly- “

“No. Hadn’t I missed you, I wouldn’t have spent all this time after I woke up from the simulation checking up on you in the hospital.” I firmly asserted, staring at him in the eyes. I wasn’t sure of so many things in that moment, but if I was of one thing, it was that.

“... That’s such a terrible lie. And here I was thinking my beloved Saihara-chan would be more fun after he got out of there.” He scoffed, turning to face in the opposite direction of me. I don’t know if it was just me being incredibly sleepy, but I swear that even in the darkness of the night, I could catch a hint of hurt in his eyes. This was (unintentionally) enough to set me off, the pain of previous months finally seeping into my voice and eventually taking complete control of.

“Do you seriously think I’m lying? After a year of not being able to thank you for your (immense) effort in trying to stop the mastermind, you think I’d lie about that? Do you know how hard it was for me to stay happy with the thought of you sacrificing yourself and us still hating you _every single day?_ You didn’t go through any of that! You don’t have a right to say I’m lying!” I spilled, burying my hands into my face in an attempt to hide the shameful tears pouring down my face. I didn’t want this to be the state that Ouma would see me in after we left the killing game... Well, I don’t know what state I would have wanted to have been in, but certainly not this. Yet here I was.

I didn’t want to look at him. If you asked me even half an hour ago whether or not I wanted to see him, I wouldn’t hesitate to say ‘yes’, but now that felt like asking to be humiliated for life.

What probably made this worse is that even though my sobs were audible, muffled, but audible, he didn’t do anything for a while. If he was laughing or doing something that the Ouma-kun I knew from Danganronpa would do, that would’ve weirdly helped in its own way.

I couldn’t be too sure because I wouldn’t let myself look at him, but I had a feeling he didn’t know how to react either.

Eventually, I flinched as he gently grabbed hold of my shoulders similar to the way Momota-kun did at the hospital. It was so unlike him again it just made me want to cry my life out.

“Saihara-chan.” His voice could hardly be considered a whisper. When I didn’t say anything, he tried again. “Saihara.” That time, it was stricter. “Look at me.” He went back to incredibly soft. Part of me obviously wanted to look at him, to look at the reason I went through all that worry. But the other part of me was holding back, as though looking at him would kill me or something. He could have easily missed the small shake of my head that I made next, but he didn’t because I felt him lean closer as he tried to pry my hands off my face, to which I eventually allowed even though I was still shaking and probably looked incredibly terrible.

Momentarily, my golden eyes met his own violet ones. I hadn’t noticed how similarly coloured they were to Akamatsu-san’s. It may have been that they weren’t showing signs of pride or ill-intent. All that was left was empathy, and even comfort. It would be hard to imagine that I could ever truly hate this person stood in front of me.

As if to affirm, he then leaned in for an incredibly awkward but calming hug. I knew the previous pain was worth it for this moment. I also wondered if this was hurting his back, so I pulled back only to bring him down onto the bench with me and immediately pulled the wide-eyed boy back into a more desperate hug. I wanted to cling as much as I could to him in fear that if I didn’t, he’d disappear again and I’d have to spend even more time trying to find him, but I then decided against it in case I’d accidentally hurt him. It didn’t take him long to hug back, burying his head in my chest, surprisingly equally as desperate as I was. If we could just stay like this forever, I could maybe forget all about the killing game’s existance and the rest of the world with it.

But it can’t last, and we did end up having to pull apart when my phone angrily buzzed multiple times, followed by the sound of my ringtone.

“Boo. I was enjoying that too!” Ouma-kun sighed, sticking his tongue out at my phone while I lightly chuckled as I answered it.

“Hello?”

“Saihara-kuuuun! It’s almost midnight and I couldn’t find you even after the guests had all left! Are you alright? Where even are you?” I could imagine the face Akamatsu-san was pulling, which made me laugh again for no reason in particular. Just when I was about to answer her, I felt my phone being snatched away by the little figure sat next to me and before I had acknowledged it, he already answered her,

“Giving my beloved Saihara-chan the best birthday present of his life! Now, see ya Bakamatsu!” he crowed, his smile triumphant, but still genuine. My phone’s ringtone sounded again but was replaced with a buzz shortly after. “Nishishi! I wanted to keep my beloved to myself, but it seems as though I’ll have to share with her. Oh well, she can never love you as much as I do! See you, Saihara-chan!”

Wait, wait, too much is happening!

1) Did he just say he loves me?

2) What does he mean by ‘share with her’? I’m not going out with Akamatsu-san if that’s what he thinks...

3) Why is he leaving so soon?

4) Did he just say he _loves me?!_

“W-wait! Ouma-kun hold up!” I shout to him as he was already off the bench and walking away from me. But what should I say?

Sighing deeply, I asked, “Do you want to stay over for a while?”

He froze. After a brief moment, he turned around and looked me dead in the eye. I couldn’t read his stoic expression: it was as though his guard was back up again just as it was during the killing game, which did make me frown. I nearly couldn’t tell that his own eyes widened at that, as if he realised something. After, he gave me the warmest, most genuine smile, certainly more genuine than the ones he’d flash during Danganronpa. I then thought back to his... confession...? which, inconveniently, made me flush strawberry red. Thank God (or Atua as Angie would say) it was dark or I couldn’t have disguised that and he’d be teasing me the day after time ends.

Except that his grin was widening.

Oh, oh no. That’s the teasing grin.

“O-kay! Whatever the birthday boy wants!” he chirped, grabbing onto my arm in an instant. He unexpectedly didn’t mention it. I checked my phone to see what Akamatsu-san said, which somehow managed to redden my face even more when I read,

‘ _AK: I’m sure that’s a great birthday present indeed! I’m so proud of you Saihara-kun! Tell me all about it when you get home, and don’t spare me of any details!’_

_\--_

Walking home, I noticed that the rain was long gone but the heavy clouds were still visible even in the dark.

And it made me think about how I _thought_ I had found Ouma-kun,

 

But Ouma-kun had found me first.

 

* * *

 

\- Present day -

 

So, here I am now, waiting for Ouma-kun to come back with my coffee. Because it’s him though, I doubt he’ll do only as I asked. Saying this may be his influence, but it’s actually something I really love about him, how he’s always full of surprises and just when I think I’ve discovered something, he’ll have another new thing that completely throws me off and gets me to reconsider whether or not I actually did discover anything in the first place. I just can’t ever figure him out, like why he even came up to me in the first place.

But that’s alright, I’m pretty fine with that if it means I get to spend more time with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey, if you actually enjoyed this trash (nagito who?) i'll honestly appreciate it! It took me just over 2 weeks after I finished it to upload this and I completely rewrote it at one point I hated it that much oops
> 
>  the scene's alternates - https://ahwait-no-yes.tumblr.com/post/184828987374/the-alternatives
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy your day!
> 
> 4/9/19 edit - I want to rewrite this fic! because I did actual research on comas and they contradict so many things in here it'll make me almost physically cringe to read this again if I don't
> 
> 25/2/20 edit - and then I never did. I hope I actually bother to one day..


End file.
